In talking with a lot of fellow Moms, one of the toughest things we struggle with is asking for or accepting help. We all need it desperately, but yet we are afraid to ask for it, or we “feel bad” accepting it when people offer. Whether it’s help with the kids or just help navigating our struggles.
Can we quit it already? For real. Let’s just quit it. You know why? Because we NEED help. And you know what else? Our friends WANT to help. It makes them feel good to know that you picked THEM as “your person” when you’ve broken down on your path and need a ride to the gas station for more fuel.
I made the “I’m done. I need a tow truck for my life” call a couple of weeks ago to “my person” of 33 years. I’m not sure she could understand half of what I said. But she didn’t ask me to repeat it. She knows me and knew what it meant that I was so vulnerably admitting I didnt have my shit together. She just listened. She calmed me. She understood me. And she thought to send me a text in the days later with a quote that might help me.
Had I not made that phone call… I would have had that “moment” alone. I would have felt alone. I would have wallowed in that moment all day and let it carry through to the days after. Because I was AFRAID of asking for help. But the simple act of reaching out for help in that moment… made me realize I wasn’t, in fact, alone. And that I have people around me to help me. To care about me. To get me through the tough moments so we could enjoy the good ones together even more. To help ME get perspective that I couldn’t have achieved on my own. And there’s something very powerful about those moments in helping us move forward in our lives, and helping foster deeper friendships with the people we have those moments with.
Can we all make a commitment together? To stop pretending we don’t need help. To stop believing that admitting we need help is a sign of weakness. To stop “not” asking for help because we think the people around us are too busy with their own stuff. There’s a reason that people say “it takes a village” – because it does. Find your person. They want to be your person. And in the midst of it all, let’s not forget to be “their person” back…
As my sisters’ wedding approaches (12 days away) I keep adding to my list of things to do. And then this angel appeared on my doorstep (my mother in law) and offered her mowing services the week of the wedding. I couldn’t believe she would offer to spend 6 hours to mow our farm, but she said absolutely when I asked if she was sure. What a complete relief that is knowing next week when I have 100’s of other things to do I won’t have to worry about mowing. She was probably shocked that I accepted help since I never do……….
I have truly been blessed to have married into this wonderful family. Now I hope my sister can say the same about her new family.
I am so thankful for you. Your writing is spot on and makes me feel normal and appreciative that we have others in our life who want to help us. Thank you Brea.
Thank you so much for reading, Amy. You ARE normal. We all are. We just need to keep honestly talking about things so that we realize that struggles are normal. Appreciate you being here at The Thinking Branch