I had this overwhelming realization today that I have chosen the “day by day” approach to life over these last couple of months. It’s something we hear a lot … take it one minute at a time. One step at a time. As if it’s the “right way” to live.
And I get it. Sometimes trying to take on the “big picture” stuff is too overwhelming… so you try to win little battles. One at a time.
But these last couple of weeks, my one day at a time is “how do I get through this day.” I wake up – already anticipating the struggle, the seemingly endless path to find balance and an end to my to-do list… and my goal is simply to get through it and come out on the other end NOT in the red.
And think about that.
My goal is to get THROUGH the day and experience as little negativity as I can.
To put blinders on, and do whatever it takes to get from head-off-the-pillow to head-on-the-pillow without any major breakdowns. To time out when I’m going to let the kids watch TV so that I can get housework done and feel some sort of accomplishment in my day. To time out “when” I will play with them early on in the day, so that I feel better about myself for doing work for my job later in the morning. To figure out how to maintain any sort of calm, so that when my husband walks in the door that he doesn’t see terror on my face.
Nowhere in there do I talk about waking up and deciding what memory I’m going to make today. To make time to create a positive moment. Nowhere in there did I think about how much I can’t wait to see my baby smile ear to ear simply because I looked at her. Nowhere in there do I talk about the anticipation of seeing what new, hilarious phrase my son is going to pull out of his ever-growing vocabulary. Nowhere in there do I talk about looking forward to the solo time I get with my oldest while my younger two are sleeping.
I’m waking up on a mission to get THROUGH my day. Doing what I need to do to get by.
I have experienced enough loss in my life to know that this life is short. It is precious. That THIS day, this moment… is the only thing that we are guaranteed. So to wake up and approach THIS day.. the only one I truly can guarantee… with a “how do I get through it” approach?
That’s not me.
That’s not honoring the lessons I’ve learned in my experiences. Instead, I have allowed a busy, chaotic and challenging time in my life WIN over who I authentically am. Which is a person who is OBSESSED with feeling every moment and taking in the relationships with the people I love around me. Because truly… what is this life if it’s not for the little moments and the connections we have with each other?
No more excuses. Today is a new day. The only day that we are guaranteed. No more getting THROUGH this life. Time to wake up on a mission to not miss a damn thing that it gives us.